


snowbaz alternate universes

by orphan_account



Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Airplane Crashes, Alternate Universe - Beauty and the Beast, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Mythology, Alternate Universe - Summer Camp, Depression, Friends to Lovers, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Medieval Violence, Not Underage, There Is No Actual Sex Scenes Just Like "they hooked up", They Are Adults During Any Implied Sex, Tumblr, Tumblr Prompt, cursing, unedited
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-29
Updated: 2016-09-29
Packaged: 2018-08-18 10:43:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8159282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: just a collection of the snowbaz aus i posted on my tumblr a while ago, some of them i accidentally deleted during a blog purge, so here they are in their unedited glory





	

##  **Plane Crash AU**

bc stuck on an island+angst= an intriguing plot line (i hope)

  * so simon is flying with his dad to japan for a business meeting
  * baz is flying with his family to india for a family vacation
  * theres a layover in india to japan so thats how simon and baz’s families end up on the same plane
  * they are en route to india, over the indian ocean, when their plane _duh duh duh_ **CRASHES**
  * lots of people die
  * like everyone dies
  * except for simon and baz
  * okay so the plane crashes in the ocean
  * simon is knocked out in the descent
  * baz stays conscious (hes the only passenger who makes it out conscious)
  * almost everyone dies on impact (including simons dad and bazs family)
  * a couple people drown
  * it was really grisly and horrible
  * and baz saw all of it
  * and he is the only one who saw all of it
  * but yeah simon is knocked out
  * (mind you, they are like ten years old right now)
  * baz is freaking out, he still has no idea hes the only conscious one, and only one of two people who will make it out alive
  * he swims to the shore of an island a couple hundred feet away and surveys what happened
  * (he may be freaking out but he is a smart kid and knows he needs to evaluate his situation)
  * so when he gets to the island he puts down everything he tried to salvage on his first trip over and heads back out again
  * (maybe he could find some supplies or something)
  * but this time he sees a boy with sopping wet hair and clothes half supported on a bin full of flotation devices
  * (wow simon that was really lucky)
  * baz checks his pulse and brings him ashore after he grabs a couple things
  * (he made a raft for simon out of the flotation devices to push him back to shore)
  * upon reaching the shore, baz looks back at the wreckage again
  * except for the sinking plane, nothing seems to be moving
  * he realizes in his subconscious that his entire family is dead (except for mordelia, who stayed at home with their maid because she was sick) but he doesnt process his grief yet
  * he just keeps moving
  * eventually simon wakes up
  * he has a pretty big head wound
  * its not too severe, but he had a concussion so there was still cause to be worried


  * when simon wakes up baz isnt anywhere to be seen
  * so of course simon thinks hes the only one alive (once hes realized whats happened) and freaks out
  * baz actually just went off to find some food
  * (yes he noticed the boy was cute but thats not his concern right now)
  * its a pretty big island so he does end up finding some bananas
  * ( ͡º ͜ʖ ͡º)
  * okay okay i didnt actually mean that to be a dick joke but continue
  * meanwhile simon is probably trying to run up the beach or swim back out to the plane to find his dad
  * he makes it like ten feet off shore before baz returns
  * and baz is like “what in the hell are you doing?”
  * simon has a mini heart attack he did _not_ hear that boy coming and he thought he was alone
  * (his imaginative ten year old mind thought there was a monster)
  * but baz rolls his eyes
  * (look at him, keeping up the sarcasm even thought hes suffering from _crushing grief_. this is not coping! dont compartmentalize, baz!)
  * but anyway
  * simon is in tears and hes sobbing
  * because he too knows deep down that his father is dead and they are stranded in the middle of the indian ocean
  * baz is just acting really chill and not coping very well either but he doesnt let it show
  * simon comes back to shore and stares at baz
  * “whats your name?”
  * “tyrannus basilton grimm pitch. but you can call me baz.”
  * “okay. im simon.”
  * “well simon, it looks like were gonna be here for awhile.”
  * simon cries even more
  * baz kinda feels guilty for being so upfront but simon has to realize whats happening
  * “i found some food. do you like bananas?”
  * ( ͡º ͜ʖ ͡º)
  * im really sorry guys this is like shakespeare level of dick jokes
  * “yeah”
  * simon eats like three bananas
  * (food is his coping mechanism for the first few months)
  * okay but so obviously this is gonna be really difficult because two ten year olds with now real life experience cannot be expected to survive
  * except baz is kind of a genius and child prodigy so he figures out how t survive
  * he finds a freshwater pool in the island, makes them rudimentary stone weapons (there are some hostile animals but they dont really go to the beach)
  * he also begins to build a tree house but that is gonna take a while
  * simon is the one who does the exploring
  * he finds the food sources and the best places to hide on the island
  * (one time there was a really bad monsoon and they had to hide out in a cave for three days straight)
  * but yeah they become a pretty well oiled team, functioning to stay alive
  * obviously their emotional health is not great though
  * simon is a bit better off because he actually confronted and processed what had happened
  * and baz obviously knows the reality of things but he still wasnt coping well
  * i mean neither of them were coping very well but thats okay, each in his own time
  * bazs lack of confrontation with his family’s death (and the fact that mordelia and fiona are out there somewhere) is detrimental
  * while baz is focused solely on surviving (and getting out eventually), simon has turned to more entertaining things
  * hes a bit more of an optimist
  * so he finds the perfect place for a vine rope swing
  * he likes to swim in the pools of freshwater and hunt fish with his stone spear
  * he tries to get baz to do fun stuff with him but baz rarely ever stops what hes doing
  * this kinda thing goes on for a couple of years
  * they get taller on the island, they mature
  * they also start to become close friends, although their opposing reactions to their situation does affect their friendship
  * regardless they are still best friends
  * (one time when they were fourteen simon made baz and instrument out of a hollowed piece of wood and some string woven from plant roots. it was pretty nice. baz cried later that night)
  * okay so fifteen comes around, theyve been on the island for five long years, nothing has really happened (a few planes overhead, a ship in the distance, tantalizingly close)
  * baz is sitting out on the beach at night, watching the stars
  * simon knows hes in a mood so he goes to sit quietly next to him 
  * “theyre really gone. were really never getting home.”
  * simon looks at baz sadly
  * baz is crying (baz never cried in front of simon)
  * “no, baz, theyre not.”
  * but thats when simon knows baz has more or less realized it fully
  * which is a relief bc simon was really getting worried about him
  * okay okay now to the romance since their emotional issues seem to be somewhat resolved (theyre never really resolved, i mean being stranded on an island isnt something to cope easliy with but still)
  * obviously they both notice each other changing
  * baz gets really tall 
  * like 
  * _very tall_
  * simon is always trailing a couple inches behind him
  * baz teases him for it
  * but anyway
  * oh my god bazs _cheekbones_
  * theyre _gorgeous_
  * baz keeps his hair longer than simons, too (obviously they can cut it with something, but baz still keeps it shoulder lengthish)
  * baz is also pretty muscular (not like bulky, but sculpted)
  * he also has pretty dark skin
  * his egyptain skin gets quite tan in the sun
  * so basically baz is like a supermodel wearing makeshift clothing
  * (they still try to wear clothes, always pants and sometimes shirts)
  * okay simon
  * simon is also tall
  * not as tall as baz, but tall
  * hes much bulkier than baz though
  * (the only reason these boys arent sticks is because of simons everlasting quest for finding more food)
  * (he gets a little farm going too)
  * but yeah simon gets a lot of moles and freckles in the sun
  * his skin tans to a very attractive golden brown
  * and his eyes are like reflections of the ocean
  * so obviously with puberty comes sexual tension
  * simon is kind of oblivous to it (he still kinda acts a bit immature, swinging around on vines and exploring the island and shit)
  * but baz realizes whats happening
  * and he thinks he is fucked bc “of course simon doesnt like me like that why would he?”
  * ( ͡º ͜ʖ ͡º)
  * just wait basilton. just wait.
  * so….. things….. happen…………….. that need personal time……………………………
  * i think u know what i mean
  * simon is just not very aware of his attraction
  * but baz is quite aware
  * and has to take care of it often
  * (simon never really knows where he goes, it annoys him)
  * (oh simon ur so oblvious)
  * but yes we have this lovely sexually tension on an island with only two very good looking people
  * (btw simon has a pet fish in one of the ponds named penny)
  * (that was random sorry)
  * but yeah
  * baz is dealing with this while constantly being around simon
  * he pulls away a bit
  * simon gets frustrated because he doesnt know what he did wrong (yes im using this trope dont judge)
  * baz becomes isolated again like when they were younger
  * which also makes simon really worried
  * it goes on for a couple of months
  * until one night baz is sitting by the campfire
  * (simons internal monologue: _the shadows, flickering with the fading firelight, darkened bazs face to a pale grey. the trees shifted with the wind, blowing hair into his face. his grey-green eyes reflected the dying embers in the pit. around him, fire flies began to glow, and his skin danced until the faint light)_
  * ( _so. oblivious._ )
  * (dont worry he’ll figure it out)
  * he goes to sit beside baz
  * “hey, baz, you would tell me if there was something wrong, right?”
  * baz looks at him like he didnt even notice simon  was there
  * “why do you ask, snow”
  * simon looks apprehensive
  * “i dont know, youve just been really withdrawn. are you okay?”
  * “yes. im perfectly fine”
  * *cue looking away from simon and angsty silence*
  * “if you want to talk, im  here”
  * simon moves to leave and return to the tree house that has been finished, when baz grabs his arm
  * “wait, could you just- could you just sit here?”
  * simon sits back down (hes glad bc baz might want to talk)
  * (baz doesnt really want to talk)
  * (i mean yeah he loves talking to simon, but he doesnt want to _just_ talk)
  * ( ͡º ͜ʖ ͡º)
  * they sit in some more angsty silence
  * then baz just says out of the blue “my mother used to tell me amazing stories about how she proposed to my father”
  * simon listens intently but doesn really know where baz is going
  * “she met him at a boarding school. when my mother proposed, it was like she hung the moon for him. i always loved listening to here tell stories about their wedding. i loved my parents. they were so happy together. i always wanted to be that happy with someone else too.”
  * *a few moments of angsty silence*
  * “i guess- i guess i have just kind of realized that probably wont happen”
  * of course simon is heartbroken to hear this
  * that baz has such a soft side and wants fall in love
  * something inside simon kind of snaps
  * or breaks
  * or comes together
  * and he says
  * “but youre not alone”
  * and he kisses baz
  * baz is, of course, very surprised..
  * it takes a moment but he kisses back
  * they make it back up to the tree house
  * (a/n: i cant write smut, but they do get it on. this is justified bc there has been _months_ of sexual frustration. thank you)
  * okay but that was the loudest night ever on the island
  * (simon kinda marvels at baz for a while too, like “how did i not realize how gorgeous he was before?oh wait i did”)
  * *simon proceeds to run his fingers through bazs hair like hes always wanted to*
  * ( ͡º ͜ʖ ͡º)
  * but yeah baz is also blown away
  * the next morning baz rolls over and looks at simon
  * “you know when i was talking about how i wanted to fall in love but thought i couldnt, it was about you, right?”
  * “yeah, i realized”
  * “i just- i just didnt think you had feelings for me”
  * “yeah, i didnt either. not consciously. but i do”
  * “good to know” (baz is freaking out inside, of course)
  * “i guess i was pretty oblivious”



epilogue: a ship does see their island two years later, when they are eighteen. they return home; simon has nowhere to go (his mother died in childbirth), but baz goes to his family home. he meets mordelia, now eight years old. simon and baz live a bazs house. they stay together because its all they really know.

##  **Greek Myths AU**

because im obsessed with greek mythology and the story of dionysus and ariadne is really cute

okay if you dont know the story of ariadne and dionysus, basically what happens is that athens has to send 7 boys and 7 girls to crete (where king minos, ariadne, and the minotaur live) as a sort of payment for minos to not attack them. when the time comes to send the small children, the prince of athens , theseus, volunteers to go so he can kill the minotaur once and for all. when he gets there princess ariadne likes him and offers him aid in killing the minotaur if he will take her with him when he leaves the island. so theseus kills the minotaur (with the golden string and sword) and takes ariadne with him and the kids; when they stop at the island of naxos, ariadne falls asleep and theseus leaves her there, where she cries bc she is stranded and she just wanted to get out of crete and help those kids. cue dionysus’ entrance as a very handsome rich guy who immediately asks for ariadne’s hand in marriage bc he thinks she is the most beautiful woman ever. against all odds, and unlike many god and goddess relationships, dionysus and ariadne are acually really happy together (ariadne becomes a goddess btw)

  * okay so simon is the prince of watford, his father, king davy, is the king of watford, he keeps a dragon in a labyrinth under the island
  * davy always likes to attack the small monarchy across the ocean, where princess agatha lives


  * so this kingdom under princess agatha doesnt have a name bc i cant think of one
  * but basically agatha’s parents, the king and queen, strike a deal with davy to give him seven boys and seven girls to feed to the minotaur in exchange for him to _not_ attack the kingdom anymore bc its getting fucking annoying
  * davy is like “sure, why not”
  * so then we have agatha volunteer to be one of the seven girls so she can go and slay the dragon finally
  * she is met with protest from the king and queen but she eventually persuades them to let her go
  * she and the kids go to watford, where they meet prince simon and davy
  * simon likes agatha and wants to help her
  * that night he slips a note into her room saying he can give her aid in killing the dragon if she agrees to take him with her when she leaves the island
  * (simon really wants to leave, davy is a douchebag and simon kinda hates him and is tired of his shit)
  * agatha agrees, simon gives her the golden string and the sword to place inside the labyrinth before they enter the next day
  * agatha goes in, slays the dragon, keeps all the other kids safe by making them stay at the door, finds her way back with the golden string, and heads off to the ship in stealth mode, simon and the kids following closely
  * they make it to the ship, leave the island, and everything is going pretty good
  * then they need to stop for supplies at an island, they need more food and stuff bc they still have a ways to go before they get to agatha’s kingdom
  * simon gets of the ship because hes super tired and needs to walk around
  * but then he falls asleep while sitting on the sea wall
  * agatha and the kids leave him there because he was extra baggage and was he even helpful to the mission anymore?
  * so yeah simon is left there
  * he wakes up, realizes what happened, starts crying 
  * bc they _left him here_
  * **_it sucks_**
  * but yeah he kinda sits there on the sea wall, reminiscing about how he just wanted to help them and leave his father’s kingdom
  * _MEANWHILE_
  * baz, the god of music and such, is minding his own business in his favorite disguise, a handsome mortal who is very rich
  * a couple of pirates end up capturing him bc he has a shit ton of cash on him
  * baz plays along, these mortals are amusing they think these pathetic ropes will hold a god? ha
  * but yeah baz just kinda chills, tied to the mast of the boat while the pirates go through his stuff in his bag and take all his jewelry
  * at some point he finally gets bored
  * he flicks the ropes away, only one pirate notices and he becomes paranoid
  * he all like “guys this isnt a regular mortal, we need to return him to the other island”
  * the other pirates dont listen, they just tie baz up even more
  * then baz breaks out of the bonds again (it was uncomfortable) and kills everyone with vines and by transforming into a lion
  * he leaves that one guy alive, though, and asks for directions to the nearest island
  * (which is where simon is)
  * ( ͡º ͜ʖ ͡º)
  * the ship sails there (by itself, of course) and baz lets the sailor go on his way with a magickal push back out to sea
  * baz is walking along the island when he notices a _very_ gorgeous prince weeping on the sea wall
  * baz approaches him
  * and asks him whats wrong
  * simon explains how he just wanted to help the princess and leave his horrible home, but they left him on the island
  * baz takes pity
  * but hes also like “what the fuck why would they leave such a beautiful guy here”
  * baz probably uses some really smooth pick up lines and calls simon gorgeous and hot and amazing and stuff
  * then he asks simon to marry him
  * and because this is based off ancient greece and no one refuses a god (especially a god that is really beautiful and funny and smart and kind and- you get the point) simon agrees
  * they become known as the happiest godly couple in the heavens of course
  * fin



##  **Beauty and the Beast AU**

bc why not

(TW this is pretty dark, mentions of suicide attempts and severe depression)

  * so baz was an extremely gorgeous prince
  * like he had people swooning over him
  * (male and female)
  * courtiers came from everywhere
  * bc this prince is _beautiful_
  * long black hair
  * very shiny
  * stunning eyes
  * dont even get me _started_ on his cheekbones
  * but yes
  * everyone wants to marry prince basilton of the pitch kingdom
  * and one day this lovely princess from another kingdom comes
  * she tries to woo baz
  * (bc hes very interesting and mysterious)
  * (you have probably realized this is none other than princess agatha)
  * but baz is not interested
  * like
  * _at all_
  * which would have been fine
  * he could have just told her that he prefers men
  * but instead he was really rude
  * (hes still coping with his sexuality, his parents want him to marry a princess and he doesnt know what to do)
  * (hes very angsty)
  * (and takes it out on agatha)
  * but okay so agatha is actually a _very powerful_ witch
  * but she is very offended by baz’s treatment of her
  * (i mean, yeah hes depressed, but thats not an excuse to be rude)
  * so agatha puts a curse on him
  * “you have one hundred years to find someone to fall in love with you. do not judge others. do not be rude. if you cannot accomplish this, you will be a monster for eternity”


  * baz is completely struck by this info
  * and then he _changes_
  * his gorgeous hair loses its luster
  * his skin becomes soo pale
  * and he cant sleep
  * and his mouth hurts
  * and then he sees the _fangs_
  * and he loses a ton of weight
  * he doesnt know whats happening
  * he begins to look decrepit
  * his parents think he has fallen very ill
  * but after several hours in the library baz realizes he has been turned into a _vampire_
  * and then the bloodlust comes
  * but baz has morals so he doesnt kill anyone
  * except himself
  * (he tries to)
  * (it does not work)
  * but now he is stuck in this awful form constantly craving blood and feeling so so sick
  * he subsists on deer and such
  * only his parents know whats happened
  * they keep him locked away in a separate castle where no one can see him
  * he is pronounced dead to the kingdom
  * baz is now _extremely_ depressed
  * if only he had been nicer to princess agatha
  * if only he had put his internal struggles aside and been honest with her
  * but now he is stuck like this 
  * _forever_
  * (he realizes there is no hope for him to find anyone to love him in this state)
  * but baz lives for decades in the castle
  * his only aids are enchanted furniture and dishware
  * he has his violin to keep him company
  * he has a large library
  * but his existence is dismal
  * he has to stay miles away from his siblings and parents
  * he doesnt get to meet the new baby, mordelia
  * he has to watch his parents grow old and pass from his dwelling in the mountains
  * (he isnt ever allowed to see them for fear he might hurt someone on accident)
  * (he is the one who actually initiates this)
  * (if he hurt someone he wouldnt be able to handle it)
  * (not that hes handling this very well in the first place)
  * okay now simon
  * hes the son of an old crazy guy
  * a huge governmental idealist
  * hes in and out of jail a lot bc of his protests against unfair treatment of serfs and stuff
  * but davy is an overall good guy
  * (hes not as crazy bc he doesnt have magic to make his son into the ultimate fighting machine)
  * plus davy believes in nonviolent protests
  * hes v chill
  * but simon just kinda sits in his room all day
  * he reads books he borrows from the small library owned by miss possibelf
  * (a very nice woman really)
  * hes kind of a social recluse
  * but hes still really nice to everyone
  * he has a ton of friends but theyre not his number one priority
  * (hes convinced people only like him bc the princess of the kinda, phillipa, has like a huge crush on him)
  * (there are perks to this tho, davy is released from jail w/o bail usually)
  * (davy doesnt try to take advantage of simons position with the princess bc hes kind of aloof and doesnt really notice that stuff)
  * but yeah simon has some superficial friends but not really
  * and princess phillipa wont stop sending him flowers and following him to the library and stuff
  * simon still tries to be nice though
  * but one day davy is summoned to a meeting in another land
  * (its a conspiracy meeting)
  * and simon tells him to be careful
  * but davy is impatient and excited
  * not a good combination
  * so he takes a “shortcut”
  * which involves passing through a set of mountains
  * that have been rumored to hold a horrible creature for the last century or so 
  * (bazs time is almost up)
  * but yeah davy is on this route and he reaches a fork in the road
  * of course he takes the super fucking creepy side bc apparently its faster
  * and _then_
  * he sees the wolves
  * and he runs like hell
  * all the way to the gates of a menacing manor with large iron gates
  * he frantically pounds on the gate, its broken and swings open
  * he runs to the main door
  * on it are fading letters, he can kind of see the outline of “pi” but thats it
  * he pushes into the large grand hall
  * its dismal
  * but clean
  * theres a lot of reds and blacks in the furniture and walls
  * the house is pretty silent though
  * untl this wardrobe fuckin _moves_
  * and they all take davy somewhere to be comfortable
  * and one of the teacups, penny, goes to baz and tells him they have a visitor
  * he is _furious_
  * he cannot have someone he could possibly hurt in this house
  * (plus hes distraught bc his time is almost up)
  * but he sends davy to the dungeons
  * bc they are far away and baz cant smell him from his room
  * but meanwhile simon is getting very worried
  * his father had been gone for like two weeks
  * no word has reached him of his safe arrival
  * so he sets out after him
  * on his trusted steed with his fancy sword
  * he follows the path his father used
  * bringing him to this dismal castle where he sees his fathers discarded horse and cart
  * and simon is so scared now
  * but he unsheathes his sword and approaches the giant doors
  * they swing open
  * no one is there
  * (the furniture have been instructed not to approach people now)
  * simon goes to look for his father
  * penny sees him though, and she goes off to warn baz
  * simon discovers his father in the dungeon
  * he runs to him
  * but then he feels a presence behind him and he whips around
  * and a few feet away is a tall boy, probably his age (19?20?) standing in a fancy suit thing
  * hes very pale
  * but his cheekbones are gorgeous
  * and his hair looks like it was once beautiful
  * his eyes are watery grey but they still kinda take simons breath away
  * and simon is just frozen there
  * until the boy steps forward and throws him like twenty feet
  * and simon is like oh shit something is not right here
  * and baz says in a booming voice “what are you doing here”
  * and simon “i came to retrieve my father, if- if you could just let us leave-”
  * but baz is also studying simon intently
  * this boy is perfect
  * his golden curls and beautiful eyes like the sky he sort of remembers
  * and he looks _alive, alive, alive_
  * but baz must maintain his harsh exterior
  * “i cannot let intruders go unpunished. one of you must stay to make up for your trespassing.”
  * but then baz internally flips bc he _did not_ mean to say that
  * why would he want one of them to stay? 
  * (specifically the boy in front of him that bears striking resemblance to a greek god)
  * andsimon is shocked and he starts to plead
  * baz is about to say nevermind but he has already spoken and cannot contradict himself
  * “one of you must stay. for the rest of your life.”
  * and simon knows what he has to do
  * he knows he cannot escape this horrible monster thing (that was probably once beautiful)
  * so simon volunteers himself
  * of course davy is horrified at leaving his only son with this monster but he has to
  * davy leaves
  * simon runs up to his new room and stays there
  * baz has no idea what the fuck hes doing
  * penny has no idea either
  * “basilton what the fuck was that?”
  * “i _dont know_ , penny! i wasnt thinking”
  * but penny knows
  * she _knows_
  * so she doesnt say anything
  * (shes secretly hoping this could be it. this could break the spell. she could be a normal girl again and baz could be anormal prince)
  * so penny goes to comfort simon
  * who is crying in his room
  * and she comforts him a lot
  * simon stays in his room for a few days
  * baz is fine with that at first but after awhile he really wants to actually talk to him
  * so simon is summoned for dinner
  * of course he refuses
  * he hates this monster
  * but penny forces him
  * she warns him of her lord’s rage if he were to refuse
  * so simon gives in and penny forces a nice outfit on him
  * he looks _stunning_
  * baz is kinda blown away
  * but the dinner is very awkward of course
  * (btw baz has about a month left at this point)
  * penny is playing matchmaker now tho
  * like she forces baz to go visit simon
  * he lays out the rules for the castle
  * “you can go anywhere except for the east wing.”
  * “whats in the east wing?”
  * “nothing. just dont go there.”
  * (of course now simon is planning on sneaking over there)
  * but for now he is content with exploring the rest of the castle
  * he finally reaches the library
  * and he is _mesmerized_
  * baz watches while he goes through the books
  * simon smiles for the first time since he got here
  * baz gets this weird feeling in his chest
  * (he has no idea what it is, he has shut himself off from people for so long that he cant recognize love)
  * simon spends most of his time reading in the library
  * he loves the selection
  * all of his favorite books are here
  * he also spends time in the sparring arena
  * (baz watches from his window. just _observing, its not weird penny. no, im NOT in love with him, shut up and go sit on the stove or something_ )
  * (penny is a tea kettle)
  * but yes simon is very attractive both reading and practicing
  * so one night penny is like “we should have a nice feast or something”
  * baz is adamantly against it at first
  * but then penny tells simon and he kinda likes the idea
  * (simon is slowly becoming to hate this vampire less. yeah, he figured out baz is a vampire)
  * so penny tells baz that simon wants to and baz is like “why would he want to spend time with me”
  * and penny is like “maybe because he might actually like you. as a person”
  * “im not a person, penny. im a monster. no one will ever love me.”
  * this makes penny very sad but she insists on the feast
  * simon gets dressed up
  * once again baz is blown away
  * they eat
  * for the first time they have substantial conversation though!
  * which is difficult for simon bc hes not good with words (speaking)
  * but it seems to flow with baz better than conversations hes had with anyone else
  * (the conversation is about scones, though. i mean, that and swordfighting and simons favorite book)
  * baz loves talking to simon
  * its the highlight of his day
  * he still kinda shies away though bc he doesnt want to accidentally bite simon
  * (the thought has occurred to him. as well as kissing him. its a struggle)
  * so simon still has a ton of free time
  * and now that he is actually starting to like baz
  * he wants to find out more about him
  * so he goes to the east wing while baz is out hunting
  * penny doesnt notice simons absence until its too late
  * simon finds the rose in the case in bazs bedroom
  * there are portaits in there too
  * of a beautiful family
  * and a beautiful boy who looks a lot like baz, except his hair is shining and his eyes are happy and his skin is a gorgeous red gold color that leaves simons heart racing happily
  * and then simon realizes
  * _thats baz_
  * _thats him_
  * _thats what i saw behiing the sadness and the pale skin and then fangs and the sickness_
  * _this beautiful boy_
  * _with a funny personality_
  * _and a tallent for the violin_
  * (simon listens in when baz practices in his study)
  * but then penny finds him and shes like
  * “simon, we have to leave _now_. youre not supposed to be here. baz wouldnt want you to see this”
  * and simon says “im not leaving until you tell me about the rose”
  * and penny is crestfallen because she cant tell simon, but she cant get simon to leave, and then she hears baz returning
  * “simon. you need to go _now_.”
  * and then baz is at the door
  * hes shocked. and then hes sad. and then hes _angry_. because he did not want this boy to see what he had been. how he had fallen. his curse. hi horrible horrible curse
  * baz throws simon out of the room
  * simon is shocked
  * he doesnt leave his room for days for fear of angering baz further
  * baz freaks out of course
  * penny tries to talk sense into him but baz still tears his room apart
  * (including the portrait)
  * (he should have destroyed it long ago. it was always painful)
  * amidst all this conflict, though, bazs final day is approaching quickly
  * penny is worried
  * she tries her best to reconcile the two men
  * to no avail
  * then
  * _then_
  * davy returns
  * except hes brought the princess’ army with him
  * shit is about to go down
  * penny tries to warn baz but he isnt listening
  * and she warns simon who at this point does _not_ want baz to get hurt
  * the people have come to seize the vampire
  * even though they cant kill him, they cant incapacitate him and torture him
  * simon tries to call the princess off but she doesnt listen
  * bazs door is stormed down by soldiers
  * now they have his attention
  * but then simon runs up behind them, sword drawn, prepared to fight them off
  * he tells baz to go, that simon will handle it
  * baz is still confused and dazed so he climbs out the window
  * simon follows when he realizes hes outnumbered
  * quick bit of info, princess philippa is an amazing swordsman
  * shes hardcore
  * and she follows them to the roof
  * fighting for the man he loves
  * but simon will not let her touch baz
  * when simon challenges her, she quickly swipes his sword from his hands
  * then phillipa goes after baz who has no defense
  * (hes not going to use his fangs. never)
  * so phillipa is approaching him
  * and then simon lunges out of nowhere
  * and shoves her off the roof
  * she falls to her doom
  * while simon is left clinging to the tiles
  * and baz pulls him up
  * “why did you risk your life for me?’
  * “i dont know. i wanted to ?”
  * “but _why?”_
  * simon thinks for a second. he had been pondering his feelings for a while, but in this moment it dawns on him
  * “because im in love with you”
  * and then he kisses baz
  * and the rose in the torn up room of the east wing glows bright red
  * and penny and all of the household objects find themselves growing taller or smaller, and then they have _hands_ and _feet_ and a _face_
  * penny knows whats happened
  * but then simon is on the roof kssing this fallen vampire
  * who starts to _glow_
  * (btw its raining right now. for effect. their shirts are sticking to their chests. simon has a six pack. baz is very flustered)
  * but baz is _changing_
  * and his skin feels warm
  * so warm
  * and his hands look like theyre pulsing
  * and his hair sticks to his face
  * but its gorgeous raven black again, its thick and it hangs in wet clumps around his red gold face
  * and his _eyes_
  * they are still grey, but now simon can see the flecks of green and gold in them
  * his eyes are shining
  * and baz feels himself growing less ill
  * he feels his old muscle coming back
  * hes not frail and thin anymore
  * and then his **mouth**
  * he feels a sharp pain, and then the fangs are gone
  * _theyre gone_
  * these horrible life sucking things he has lived with almost 100 years are just gone
  * and simon is probably crying 
  * because _this is the boy. this is the boy he saw in the room. this is the boy he saw underneath the sickness._
  * and simon leans in again and kisses baz so hard 
  * (baz has never been kissed before, and his knees go weak)
  * and simon is there, holding him up in the rain, on the roof, and the sun is rising and the army is gone bc their princess was dead
  * and simon just holds onto this boy for what feels like hours
  * and baz is probably crying too
  * bc hes _finally whole again_
  * someone had learned to love him
  * at some point they finally make it back to bazs room
  * baz doesnt see anyone anywhere, he figured the castle would be crawling with people now that everyone had changed
  * but then he realizes penny probably did this on purpose
  * (he isnt sure whether he should thank her or strangle her)
  * but then simon takes his shirt off
  * (okay now hes going to thank penny)
  * and baz is like “youre gorgeous”
  * and simon blushes but he moves closer
  * “so are you”
  * andbaz is still confused though
  * “why did you fall in love with me?”
  * baz still doesnt believe it, he needs to hear simons explanation
  * (simon knows this, so he tells him)
  * “because you never hurt anyone. you only looked out for the safety of others. and i understood why you kept me here. you were lonely, and i was here, and i understand that.”
  * (simon is actually surprised that he is speaking this way, usually he trips over his words (not around baz though))
  * and then simon asks “do you love me?”
  * and baz doesnt even have to think about it
  * “i think ive loved you since that day you almost fell off the ladder in the library when you found your favorite book”
  * simon laughs and baz smiles and simonis stricken with how beautiful baz is
  * so he starts kissing his face
  * his eyelids, his cheekbones (simon loves his cheekbones), his chin, his nose, eventually his lips
  * and baz is holding simon really close
  * simon moves his face down to baz’s neck, pressing kisses along his jaw and collarbone and starts to unbutton his shirt and press kisses across his shoulders
  * baz groans (he has never felt something this amazing. _love_. with a person he can see and touch and who loves him too)
  * and they are in seventh heaven
  * but yeah
  * *cue smut that im not gonna write bc i cant write smut my friends, im very sorry, if someone ever uses this for a fic (which would be awesome) they can do so but i cannot*
  * and then baz wakes up the next morning, his hair disheveled and his red gold skin (he still gets startled by how _alive_ he looks) marked with purple bruises (the good kind)
  * and he sees simon sleeping next to him like a god, his curls spilling around his face and his freckles and moles dotting his face 
  * (baz kissed every single one of them last night)
  * and baz realizes hes _okay_
  * hes finally okay



epilogue i guess: mordelia is actually still alive, very old, but baz gets to meet her and so does simon. baz takes over the kingdom again, claming to be mordelias long lost son who looks surprisingly like the son of the old pitch king and queen who died a century ago. 

penny can finally date that couch named micah she always liked (shes probably in love with him actually).

simon and baz get married on a sunny day when simons hair shines and bazs skin matches his golden locks and they have a fairy tale ending.

*cue happy married kings*

fin

##  **Gods AU**

bc who doesnt love some mythology

  * so baz is an egyptian god
  * (ofc)
  * hes the egyptian god of music
  * simon is a greek god
  * (bc he totally looks like one)
  * (the curls and freckles and skin and chiseledness)
  * simon is the greek god of feasting
  * and yes i know these gods already but bear with me here
  * so the egyptian gods probably dont see much of the greek gods until the greeks get powerful
  * baz has always been a powerful god
  * bc _music_
  * but now theres these upstart greeks with their gods that sleep around
  * like zeus just sleeps with everyone??
  * it pisses baz off
  * but egypt is flourishing and baz is getting very powerful bc of all the celebrations
  * and then over in the greek isles


  * we have simon the god of feasting growing more powerful
  * bc lets face it the more the greeks developed the more festive they were
  * simon likes to travel around to all the celebrations going on
  * hes there for the victory of the trojan war
  * (he totally shipped patrochilles)
  * (hes still mad at apollo for getting patroclus killed)
  * but one day simon heres about these crazy egyptian celebrations
  * and their architecture is great
  * but the _food_
  * the egyptians have all sorts of food the greeks dont
  * i mean the civilizations trade and stuff
  * but the food is very different
  * so simon is like “yo i need to go check out these egyptian raves man”
  * so he stops by one of the celebrations
  * probably like the festival of opet
  * which is like a month long
  * and all the egyptian gods hanging out in africa dont really notice this very different looking god
  * they probably think hes a newbie or something
  * but i mean he looks _nothing_ like them
  * he doesnt have the distinctive egyptian features
  * but you know who does notice
  * baz
  * hes like “who the fuck is this extremely looking god who loves food”
  * a couple hours of research later hes like 
  * “oh this is simon the greek god of festivals and celebrations”
  * and then hes like “wait why do we have a greek god here”
  * and he takes it up with ra and horus and theyre like “bro chill its fine were at peace with the greeks right now anyway”
  * (plus they totally crashed the greek olympics last year so its not like they can just make simon leave, now its fair)
  * but baz is still angry
  * he doesnt want these lighter skinned gods around his people
  * hes got a serious superiority complex
  * i mean hes the freaking _god of music_ and hes probably like super old too
  * born with the first utterance of a tune thousands of years ago
  * but essentially baz goes to scope out the enemy
  * who he finds drinking merrily, blended in with the mortals
  * but then
  * then
  * _THEN_
  * **_THEN_**
  * baz hears him _sing_
  * becuase obviously simon is a great singer
  * hes the god of _festivals_
  * and baz can appreciate some good music
  * but he is just like entranced by this 
  * its a different type of music too, its different from the egyptian
  * and baz _loves_ it
  * but then hes like “no this is not traditional to my people”
  * and he takes a human form and approaches simon
  * and simon obviously notices the presence of another very powerful god
  * but he plays it off
  * bc this is one _fine_ god
  * (i mean look at those cheekbones)
  * (holy shit hes not wearing a toga)
  * (fuck he is _ripped_ )
  * the eyeliner does not help simon either
  * but baz is like _hoooo boy_
  * bc simon of course looks like a fuckin greek statue
  * hes _gorgeous_
  * and the moles? baz is fucked
  * but back to the meeting
  * simon pays it off like he doesnt notice baz
  * but then he starts flirting when baz tries to approach
  * bc simon wants to get laid, my friends
  * its part of celebrating
  * plus he can go and tell his bff penny the goddess of literature all about this when he gets home 
  * i mean _sleeping with the egyptian god baz? wow?_
  * apollo would probably be super jealous
  * (simons still mad about the trojan war)
  * but baz gets super flustered when simon flirts with him
  * he tries to ask him why hes here
  * but simon like gives his this look and baz _melts_
  * (baz has never been with anyone)
  * (hes too busy being the super intense god of music and all)
  * but then baz tries to walk away bc he cannot handle this
  * but simon is not letting such a good looking god get away from him
  * (simon is well known amongst the gods as bi/pan)
  * so he corners baz
  * and hes like
  * “i know who you are”
  * “youre baz, the god of music”
  * and baz is like “yeah, but why are you, a _greek_ god, here in egypt?”
  * and simon is like ‘oh i see you did some research on me”
  * and baz blushes **super fucking hard**
  * and now simon _melts_
  * and then simon makes his move
  * they hook up in the clouds somewhere
  * the festival of opet was especially awesome that year, by the way
  * but yeah baz is like holy fuck? this greek god is fuckin good at sex
  * bc greek gods sleep around (simon doesnt try to deny it)
  * but now hes like
  * “man i only want to fuck this super hot egyptian god who is pretty fuckin amazing at the lyre”
  * (another thing to make apollo jealous about)
  * (but thats beside the point)
  * so essentially we have the beginning of a relationship that lasts for eternity between the super gorgeous egyptian god of music and the extremely hot greek god of festivals
  * cue happy boyfriend gods
  * fin
  * (also its not like they die when the ancients stop worshipping them, they just take on new forms as other parts of different religions, like conversion i suppose, they still keep their same specialties and personalities tho)



##  **High School AU**

okay but imagine

  * simon and baz share a locker
  * they fuckin hate it
  * like simon leaves crumbs in the locker
  * baz has all of his language textbooks
  * baz puts a _fucking car air freshener_ in the locker
  * and they specifically plan it so they dont see each other
  * like “oh baz is at the locker? looks like i wont be doing my math textbook homework tonight after all”
  * one time simon accidentally grabs one of bazs notebooks
  * that baz did _not_ realize he left in there
  * its full of love letters
  * simons new personal mission is to find who these are for
  * (bc baz isnt _that_ stupid. he didnt say who the letters were for)
  * but simon is actually kinda jealous but doesnt realize it
  * he probably thinks its just bc its weird that basilton pitch likes someone????
  * simon is a track star (i will never let go of that hc)
  * baz is in orchestra
  * he wins all sorts of competitions and stuff for the school
  * hes fuckin awesome
  * and simon is like state champ in the 800
  * but back to the letters
  * like simon consulting his friends on who this person could be
  * he starts acting weird around baz
  * like this kid has feelings besides hate and indifference????
  * all of simons friends think hes obsessed
  * penny suspects simon is jealous but doesnt say anything
  * watching simon struggle is hilarious
  * but baz is now super paranoid???
  * like “what happened to my notebook full of _fucking love letters for simon snow”_
  * _and then_ simon deduces they must be for agatha, the student body rep and history nerd…
  * and he is like “oh my gosh wait agatha is my _girlfriend_ baz cant like her no”
  * simion you fuck
  * ur so wrong
  * but like baz eventually sees simon with the notebook
  * and he is like “why the fuck do you have my notebook snow?”
  * and simon is like “who are the love letters for?”
  * “no one you twat”
  * (theyre for you)
  * (with all your gorgeous curls and amazingly ordinary blue eyes and freckles and-)
  * “are they for my girlfriend?!!?”
  * *cue incredulous expression*
  * “simon you dumbass they are not for your girlfriend”
  * “hey you called me simon!”
  * “no i didnt shut up”
  * and thenn simon goes home to think about this
  * and he realizes he always sees baz at the track meets
  * (simon takes his shirt off a lot, very sweaty)
  * (it drives baz crazy)
  * and simon is like “hes _evaluating his enemy”_
  * _(NO YOU IDIOT)_
  * so simon goes to one of his recitals
  * and baz is freakin amazing?
  * and he has an adorable sister
  * hes super sweet with her
  * (simon is just sitting in the back of the auditorium watching baz)
  * (so fucking oblivious)
  * but simon is kind of blown away when baz smiles????
  * wow he loves his smile
  * but then baz goes to get an award or smthn or he has another piece to play
  * and they make eye contact1!!
  * and baz is like “why is the love of my life here”
  * and simon is like “oh shit he saw me”
  * and simon just like up and leaves
  * baz finishes his piece and follows him..
  * its a back alley and simon is walking quickly to his car
  * “Snow!”
  * “Simon!”
  * simon looks back
  * “why are you here?”
  * and simon doesnt know what to do
  * but baz is really ?? close???
  * and his eyes are ?? gorgeous??
  * simon is v confused
  * but he isnt much of a thinker
  * and he just _fuckin kisses baz_
  * like _right there_
  * baz is a bit blown away
  * simon has no idea what hes doing
  * (but he is _certainly_ enjoying it)
  * cue happy boyfriends
  * fin



##  **Bus Ride AU**

**Anonymous asked: can you do the “We’re on the bus and I’m really not trying to take up your space I’m sorry I just have rlly rlly long legs” AU? (the Eleanor and park vibes omg)**

im so sorry anon this took like two weeks im horrible and very sorry but here it is

  * okay so simon always takes the bus
  * (bc davy wont buy him a car)
  * (simon actually saved up money for one but davy took it and spent it on alcohol or gambling)
  * (fuck you davy)
  * but so yeah simon has always taken the bus
  * baz has never taken the bus
  * he had a personal chauffeur when he was younger
  * now he has his own maserati
  * (foxhole court reference my friends)
  * ( ͡º ͜ʖ ͡º)
  * but yes baz is very privileged
  * one day his car breaks down though
  * and none of his friends can give him a ride for some reason
  * so he has to take the bus
  * of course his stop is one of the last and the bus driver almost misses him bc _pitches never take the bus this is not right_
  * baz gets on and there, of course, is only one seat open
  * next to our good friend simon snow
  * baz tries to sit down
  * he has a very difficult time bc these buses are _not_ built for anyone other than children like im 5′7″ and it is a pain in the ass to sit on the bus
  * but for someone who is 6′1″? its torture
  * obvously its very awkward
  * (simon also has difficulty fitting in the seats)
  * but yeah the bus ride is probably pretty awkard
  * until simon looks at the book baz is reading
  * (its _the iliad_. bc why not)
  * ( ͡º ͜ʖ ͡º)
  * but yeah they actually start talking about it?
  * its a good conversation
  * baz wonders why he has never talked to this boy but then he remembers seeing him around school, they never had the same class periods
  * but yeah baz actually really enjoys discussing how much of a dick agamemnon is and how amazing achilles is with insults with this golden haired boy



the next day baz takes the bus again. even when his car is fixed.

(his new favorite time of day is the bus ride)

##  **Laser Tag AU**

**Anonymous asked: can you do #3 of the competitive themed ones with the AUs? (it's the laser tag one)**

“a mutual friend invited us to their laser tag party and we’re the last two alive on opposite teams and goddammit if i’m going down you’re going down with me”

okay lets go

  * so penny is the mutual friend
  * she knows baz from college
  * they are in the same linguistics major and know each other pretty well
  * simon is pennys childhood bff
  * so of course hes invited
  * so penny is holding a laser tag party bc laser tag is awesome and penny is awesome so it makes sense
  * theres a lot of people there, from her classes and some from her old highschool
  * (mostly from college though)
  * so penny invited baz bc hes like her new bff @ college
  * and baz shows up
  * penny is already chatting with simon
  * (who she told baz about)
  * (she said simon was very hot and baz would totally like him)
  * (she didnt actually expect him to like simon, it was a joke, plus she has no reason to believe simon is anything other than straight)
  * but baz gets there and walks over to penny
  * she introduces them
  * they get along pretty good
  * baz is kinda cold bc hes disheartened that this gorgeous boy who looks like a greek statue is Very StraightTM
  * (if you havent noticed im never letting go of the “simon looks like a greek statue” thing)
  * and then the game starts
  * simon kinda likes the guy that penny invited who is in her linguistics classes, hes pretty cute (but ofc simon still thinks he is straight so he misinterprets his feelings)
  * (whats new)
  * baz is on the red team
  * simon is on the blue team with penny
  * baz is secretly amazing at laser tag
  * so he makes it till the end
  * simon only stays alive bc he made penny promise to guard him in return for his attendance at the party
  * (simon doesnt like parties, too many words)
  * baz by now is the last on the red team
  * he hits penny
  * she dies
  * and then it is just baz and simon
  * and baz is still kinda angry that penny got his hopes up about this boy
  * so he goes to shoot simon
  * and simon _fuckin swan dives at baz_
  * _like tackles him to the ground_
  * (which, oddly enough, is not against the rules)
  * (how convenient…….   (¬‿¬)
  * but so yeah simon tackles him
  * and then he sits up
  * **_STRADDLING BAZ_**
  * and shoots his chest
  * baz is super flustered and he shoves simon off
  * (shit, why did that turn me on?, he thinks)
  * (¬‿¬)
  * and then simon scrambles up and baz just stalks away
  * because tyrannus basilton grimm-pitch _does not lose_ to an _amateur_
  * but he _did_ lose to an amateur
  * (an extremely gorgeous amateur, at that)
  * simon is smiling bc he beat baz
  * yay
  * (why does this feel like deja vu that simon is excited to have defeated baz)
  * (oh yeah BC THATS THEIR FUCKING MO)
  * but anyway
  * baz sulks the rest of the party
  * bc hes a bit of a baby about this kinda thing
  * also he still disgruntled
  * simon just chills with penny
  * couple hours later the party ends
  * everyone goes home
  * the next day at class penny has some news for baz
  * “you know, simon though you were hot, right?”
  * “what?”
  * “yeah.’
  * “penny, i thought he was straight.”
  * “yeah we talked about it, he said he wasnt really sure anymore, hed been thinking about it for a couple months but last night kinda confirmed it.”
  * baz is kinda excited at this
  * he immediately prompts for penny to throw another party
  * he bugs her for a couple weeks about it
  * she finally throws another party
  * but this time its an _actual college party_
  * which if im not mistaken involves lots of booze, music, and sex?
  * lets just go with that
  * but yeah baz shows up
  * simon is there
  * they both get drunk  and hook up in bazs dorm room
  * thankfully no one walks in on them
  * cue happy college laser tag bfs
  * fin



(ps: when penny throws their bachelors party its at a laser tag facility, except this time when simon knocks baz over and straddles him again they start making out….)

(¬‿¬)

##  **Camp Counselors AU**

**rosebuddyboy asked: "i was on my balcony and you started loudly quoting romeo and juliet at me" or "we’re both 'team leaders' at a summer camp for little people and you may be hot but goddammit my collection of twelve-year-olds are going to beat yours into the dust" c;**

okay im gonna do the team leaders one bc i live for summer camp aus

  * so we set the scene at a summer camp in northern britain
  * its mostly for kids aged 4 to 12
  * lots of cool stuff
  * theres a lake, a rock wall, the foods pretty good too
  * (simon would not work there if the food was bad)
  * simon and baz are team leaders for the oldest age group
  * simon is working here bc he needs a job and hes good with kids
  * baz is working here bc this is where he used to go to camp so he knows everyone quite well
  * (he has a rep for being the best football player in the camp)
  * (it makes simon very jealous)
  * but yes
  * there is a feud between the two cabins
  * simon and baz like to prank each other with the help of their kids
  * penny, the head of the camp, does not condone this behavior, but any measure she has put forth to stop the pranks does not work
  * so yes the pranks are crazy
  * one time bazs cabin stole all of simons shirts
  * like
  * all of them
  * so simon decided to not wear a shirt for a week
  * (baz was not expecting this)
  * (simon has some cash, he could have bought some clothes from the camp store, but nooooo he just DOESNT WEAR A FUCKING SHIRT)
  * by the end of the week baz cannot take it anymore
  * he returns the shirts
  * “here are you shirts dumbass, stop scarring the children for life.”
  * (baz doesnt really want to give them back)
  * okay but so simon plays a prank on baz too
  * he _dyes his hair_
  * _its bright blue_
  * _like_
  * **_neon blue_**
  * and its actually really fuckin beautiful????
  * (they did while he was napping in the leaders’ lounge)
  * (the kids were the ones who picked the color out)
  * but so yes baz has this _gorgeous blue hair_
  * simon is in _love_
  * (in this scenario, simon is not an oblivious fuck, but they still have a feud going on)
  * (they use every opportunity to mess with the other leader)
  * (as you have seen)
  * so then one day the cabins are facing off in a football match
  * simon and baz are the coaches ofc
  * and simon is like “my kids are going to beat your into the dust pitch”
  * (simon is trying to look intimidating but thats hard to do when you have children hanging off of you and a rainbow bow in your hair bc that _adorable_ little nugget named mordelia insisted on it)
  * (mordelia is bazs sister which makes baz mad bc why isnt she in his cabin????)
  * (fyi mordelia totally knows whats going on between them, she not stupid)7
  * ((the _rainbow_ bow. GAYYYYYYY. but yes))
  * but simon fails miserably at being intimidating
  * but baz still thinks its really cute
  * and then  hes like “want to make a bet?”
  * and simon shrugs bc this actually happens a lot
  * and baz is like “if my team wins, i get to take you out on a date”
  * simon is very surprised 
  * (but also excited)
  * (now he actually wants his team to lose)
  * ( _no, i cant want them to lose im their leader_ )
  * (oh simon)
  * but then simon is like “if my team wins, then i get to choose where we go”
  * now _baz_ is shocked
  * like he didnt think simon would actually go along with it?????
  * but baz regains his intimidating facadeTM and shakes simons hand (cue goosebumps)
  * “deal”
  * simon smiles
  * baz melts
  * the game starts
  * after an hour of yelling and coaching and intenseness, bazs team wins
  * simon is disgruntled
  * he wanted to take baz to that really pretty cove by the lake
  * (its secluded)
  * ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
  * but instead baz takes them to a fancy restaurant donwtown
  * (the food is really good, so simon is happy)
  * ofc they have to get dressed up
  * simon is stunning
  * baz is stunning
  * when they walk into the restaurant most of the women there want them
  * some of the men are questioning their sexualities
  * thats how good they look
  * and of course simon makes bazs knees weak
  * baz makes simons heart flutter rapidly
  * (baz still has his blue hair fyi)
  * so yeah the date goes really nice
  * they keep getting distracted by each other though
  * by the end of the date they are still pretty much sober but they did have _some_ wine so they are more open to doing crazy things
  * which is renting a room in a hotel for the night instead of returning to camp
  * (there isnt a place at the camp where they can be together without waking the kids or something)
  * *cue sexy times*
  * baz calls penny the next morning saying they might be a bit late
  * penny knows exactly what happened
  * of course she does
  * the only reason why she didnt fire them both for the pranks is bc she shipped it
  * and from then on these cute camp leader dorks still continue their silly feuds between the cabins
  * (but they kiss each other a lot more often too)
  * cue happy camp leader bfs
  * fin




End file.
